This post was written by Nicholas Ng.
MAKING FRIENDS WITH THE LOCAL PEOPLE IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF EMBRACING THE CULTURE OF A NEW HOME, BUT MALAYSIAN NICHOLAS NG SPEAKS FROM EXPERIENCE AT BEING THE ONE BEFRIENDED AND THE ONE, ALL TOO OFTEN, LEFT BEHIND.
It is said we change half our circle of friends every seven years, and this is even more common with people of the expat community. Who do I mean specifically? A class of people I term “nomadic expats.” These are people who are planted in Malaysia for a certain number of years before they move on.
Like every sector of interpersonal relationships, there are the general people you meet in Malaysia with whom you form superficial relationships, but I have had the privilege to form some of my most profound friendships with quite a number of foreigners; some of the best friends I have were made right here in Malaysia. It has never been an aim of mine to find friends who are expats, rather social circumstances made it so, and having the right mindset is important, too. Making friends with foreigners is made even easier today as the number of expats living and working in Malaysia rises, and Malaysia becomes more cosmopolitan.
Most of the time when you meet someone, it is usually on a night out at Changkat (“home” of the expat youth), and most of these friendships are made are out of a common reason: we are both seeking someone to have a night out with. I refer to these friends as “party folk.” You see them every week, but it is never more than a superficial relationship.
Then there are mates. Mates are friends that you form a deeper and more significant relationship with. These are the real friendships, and you meet up on weekends and in the week to go for dinner, movies, holidays, and, not to be forgotten, a whole lot of partying together, too.
There is also the phenomenon among local people of having a token white friend. You see this happen in some social circles, where a bunch of locals have just one white friend purely to fit into the “we are not racist” quota, or even to say “look at my cool white friend.” This works both ways; sometimes a group of expats have one local friend, also for all the same reasons. I’m not saying that you need a United Colours of Benetton ad, but hey, relax a little. People need to stop being so bothered by what others think of them.
Some expats are greatly misunderstood here, to the point that locals may be intimidated to befriend them. Xenophobia is a common trait, no matter what country you come from. We all have our prejudices and a fear of what we do not know. We shouldn’t think that; just because people don’t understand us completely, it doesn’t mean that they are not willing to try. I try to think: the moment you’re willing to move to a foreign country, you can clearly going to be ready to accept and insert yourself into the culture at some level.
Some locals feel that expats will never understand their culture and habits, and so some find it strange hanging out with expats. In fact, some locals go as far as to shun other locals who seem to hang out a lot with expats. This attitude comes from insecurity; people feel that these expats think that they are better than the locals.
I’m not going to be biased and say there is not a tinge of truth to this – some expats even admit to me that they feel that they receive better treatment just because they are foreigners – but it is also definitely not a blanket situation.
Some of my best friends happen to be foreigners, and are not exclusively from a certain country or culture. Everyone is different, and you really might have more in common with some than you think. In fact, the more diverse your group of friends, the better your social understanding, and the more you understand what it is to be a citizen of the world. I like how, with my friends, everyone brings something different to the table each time we’re together.
The toughest part about befriending nomadic expats is the fact that they do eventually leave. This is especially hard when it is the ones with whom you’ve formed deep and profound relationships. In fact, it almost feels that sometimes you’ve become a nomadic expat yourself. When expats leave a place, they lose all their friends, but what people don’t take into account is that its almost the same situation for the local whose friends are predominantly these nomadic expats. When they leave, you lose all your friends, too.
Even so, I have never regretted these friendships. Besides, if I ever need to bunk with someone in a distant country, I can always count on having a place to stay and a local who knows everything that needs to be known.
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Source: The Expat January 2013
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