To varying degrees, our opinions are formed from influences encountered at a young age. These influences are often family and friends, and as such, we tend to be products of the cultures in which we grew up. Oftentimes it is on a subconscious, seemingly almost instinctive level, that we say or do what is familiar and what we’ve grown up with – even if, upon further adult reflection, it may not be the best or only way.
One scenario where this is regularly illustrated is with ‘mixed marriages’, which are fairly common among expats. By that, I mean expat spouses coming from very different geographic and cultural backgrounds. The cultural differences this brings together generally take a bit of getting used to from both sides, and as with many things in life, a good sense of humour often helps – indeed, it is fundamental to ‘mixed marital’ bliss. My wife (Malaysian) and I (American) often discuss and occasionally debate how certain aspects of life differ when viewed from an Eastern vs. Western perspective. Some of the examples are those that we’ve experienced ourselves, while some are based on friends, colleagues, and media.
1. Best Place to Buy Groceries
He says: Supermarket or hypermarket is best because it’s a one-stop shop; clean, convenient, consistent, and comfortable.
She says: Wet market is best because the food is the freshest. It’s clean enough. Parking may be a nightmare, but still worth it. And I can bargain there!
2. Fresh or Frozen?
He says: Either is acceptable.
She says: See above. Fresh is always, definitely better!
3. Prawns: Shells On or Off?
He says: Peel the shells off, of course – easier to eat!
She says: Leave the shells on, of course – fresher to eat!
4. Chicken: Bones or Boneless?
He says: More convenient boneless.
She says: More tasty with bones.
5. ‘Free’ Food?
He says: Caffeine-free, fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free galore – at the supermarket.
She says: Nothing is ‘free’, but everything is fresh and natural – at the wet market.
6. Water or Coke?
He says: Coke preferred, water if no choice.
She says: Water preferred, Coke if no choice.
7. Cold or Warm Water?
He says: Cold water, of course, healthier in this climate.
She says: Warm water, of course, healthier in any climate.
8. Diet Coke?
He says: Helps keep the weight off.
She says: After observing a lot of Westerners drinking this… it doesn’t work!
9. Alcohol Consumption (Speed and Location)
He says: Sip and savour with appetisers, dinner, snacks; at home, in the pub, restaurant, food stall – anywhere you’re drinking and/or dining.
She says: Faster intake for faster impact. (See Korean dramas for reference!) Consume heartily when out socialising, rarely at home.
10. Wearing Shoes Indoors
He says: No problem, we wear shoes inside all the time.
She says: No way, shoes aren’t clean and don’t belong inside the house.
11. Traditional Wedding Present
He says: A gift is more personal and meaningful, cash is not.
She says: Cash is much more practical, a gift is not.
12. Hugging Friends and Family
He says: Very common.
She says: Fairly rare.
13. Focus in School
He says: Well-rounded approach: Academics, athletics, extracurricular activities.
She says: Academics! Test scores!
14. Tutoring Students
He says: Extreme cases only.
She says: All cases.
15. Roles in School
He says: Stand out from others.
She says: Stand with others.
16. Leaving Home after High School/University
He says: Get away as young as possible, parents are happy, too. Freedom!
She says: Silly and expensive notion, disappointing to parents who raised you. Wasteful!
17. Multi-Generational Approval before Marriage
He says: No need.
She says: Much better to do so.
18. Mother-in-Law
He says: Feared and best avoided!
She says: Feared and best avoided!
We finally found one that we fully agree on!
Our cultural differences are what make things interesting. As the world becomes more homogeneous, quite a bit of this is getting lost (or at least watered down), so it’s nice to see some differences still exist. Of course no single perspective is completely right or wrong, but at least in my own mixed marriage, we’ve found that these differences make for some interesting and amusing discussions!
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